


Letting Go

by DirtyLilGreaseMonkey



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 14:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13296705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey/pseuds/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey
Summary: Roberts thought process to helping Alex with Aaron’s birthday and the resulting aftermath (him taking off the ring had me in tears!)





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> Be kind folks - it’s been a while!

He’d had the same dream; or was it a nightmare; every night since leaving the hospital but last nights was different somehow, the aftermath of this one was lingering longer then the others, hanging around like a bad hangover. Even now as he closed his eyes and breathed in the crisp morning air on the way for his caffeine fix he could see the gravestone as clear as day, the name in bold, the two dates with the dash in between, the image seemed to be imprinted on the back of his eyelids. And it wasn’t the dates that bothered him although he couldn’t miss the significance of them, today was Aaron’s birthday afterall, but it was the dash, the tiny dash that represented Aaron’s life - because it was Aaron’s grave he’d seen - everything he’d ever done, everywhere he’d ever been, every breath he’d ever taken, every kiss he’d ever given away, every meal he’d ever eaten all in that one small hyphen yet somehow it didn’t seem enough. He knew it was just his mind playing tricks on him, knew it was his brains way of telling him Aaron was better off without him but the sight of Aaron’s name engraved in stone whether real or not, was still with him as he pushed open the door of the cafe. Robert knew more than anyone that Aaron deserved the world and if couldn’t be the one to give it to him anymore he could at least make sure he enjoyed his birthday especially under the current circumstances, he could only imagine the anguish his ex (it still pained him to call Aaron that) was feeling having lost his best friend. He couldn’t let Aaron suffer through what he’d heard Alex plan and the thought of Aaron’s birthday being anything but happy propelled him to intervene when he spotted the doctor that morning no matter how much it cost him emotionally. 

....

It hurt even more when he saw how happy Aaron was in the pub later that day, and he couldn’t help cringing when he heard Alex use his own words when Aaron asked about the tickets but it also made him realise that the dash he’d seen, the one from his dreams, was becoming longer right in front of him, Aaron’s life was lengthening because he was no longer in it and that could only be a good thing. He looked down at his hand as the words he’d just spoken to Alex rang in his head,

“You’ll know him better than me.”

Somehow it didn’t seem right for him to wear a symbol of love that no longer existed. No that wasn’t quite right, his love for Aaron would always exist, but he couldn’t let it consume him anymore. It’s not that he didn’t want to be with Aaron because he did but things weren’t the same anymore and no matter how long he waited for things to get better no matter how hard he tried to make things work it just wasn’t happening. They both deserved to be happy or at least Aaron did and yes he’d run back to him in a heartbeat but for now this was the way things had to be, so he’d have to try and move on for both there sakes. He knew moving on wasn’t about not loving Aaron because he couldn’t imagine a world where that could happen but it was about having the courage to say you deserve better and maybe Alex was it for Aaron although Robert suspected otherwise considering what the doctor had planned for Aaron, it was like he didn’t really know him at all. 

No, it was his fault they weren’t together he understood that now so why did he feel like his whole world had come crashing down as he slipped the metal band from his finger and placed it in his pocket? 

“Maybe you have changed,” Paddy’s voice interrupted his thoughts. 

“Sorry,” he replied a little confused, Paddy hardly acknowledged him these days let alone spoke to him.

Paddy gestured over his shoulder, Robert didn’t need to look to know that was where Aaron sat, even now he could feel the low thrum of electricity that still seemed to exist between them.

“What you did...,” Paddy elaborated.

He’d obviously overheard his conversation with Alex a moment ago. He chanced a quick glance over his shoulder and just caught sight of Aaron’s smile.

“He’s happy,” he mumbled turning back towards Paddy, the last thing he wanted to do was be caught staring even though he could stare at Aaron all day and never get bored.

“Yeah I think he is,” Paddy gave a nod as he smiled at his would be son. 

Robert sighed, he wasn’t sure how much more he could stomach; letting go was turning out to be harder than he expected but before he could leave Aaron called over, 

“Fancy a pint?” looking down awkwardly as Alex had just bought a round.

“No he doesn’t,” grunted Liv who was happy to see her brother was moving on with Alex the last thing they needed was for Robert to join them.

“Oi,” Aaron hissed at his little sister before looking back at Robert apologetically.

“Bit awkward anyway,” Gerry joked loudly pointing at Alex then Robert.

Aaron’s only response was to roll his eyes.

“Nah I’m good thanks,” Robert replied his eyes focused solely on Aaron like he was the only person in the room. 

“Happy birthday,” he added quietly giving his ex a soft smile before walking out the door. 

“What?” Aaron shrugged when he caught Livs accusatory gaze.

“Really?” she asked with raised eyebrows. 

“Come on,” Alex interjected trying to disperse the situation, the last thing he wanted was for Aaron’s ex to join them but he had helped him out with Aaron’s presents and for that he was grateful, he was also grateful Robert has declined the offer; Gerry was right, it would have been awkward. 

....

Later that night as Aaron settled down on the sofa with Alex the familiar sound of the opening credits to his favourite film made him smile, but after the abomination of the film choice the night before he was surprised Alex had thought of this, and again the festival tickets were another surprise, he knew his and the doctors taste in music was worlds apart so how did he.......and then it clicked. Smiling to himself he pulled is phone out of his pocket. 

A: THANK YOU 

He typed before hitting send. The reply was almost instant.

R: FOR WHAT? 

A: FOR HELPING ALEX, YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT

R: HE TOLD YOU?

A: NO YOU JUST DID :) LIKE I SAID THANKS 

R: NO WORRIES COULDN’T LET HIM TAKE YOU TO A ROCKY HORROR SING ALONG, NOT YOUR KINDA THING 

Robert typed before deleting the last part and just typing,

R: ENJOY THE FILM 

Robert let out a sigh dropping his phone on the bed with a soft thud, the last thing he needed right before his subconscious descended was to be thinking about them both stretched out together on the sofa he’d picked out for him and Aaron; and looking around the box room at his sisters, the same room he’d spent all those nights in after the whole Chrissie ordeal he couldn’t help thinking he had no one to blame but himself and strangely that was okay. There are certain things we don’t want to happen but have to accept and Aaron being with Alex was one of them and even though he still had hope that maybe one day they could get back to where they were before their ‘wedding’ last year he knew Aaron had a chance at being happy with the doctor and if Aaron could be happy then he’d at least have to try and move on no matter how much it hurt to do so. As he laid in bed he ran his hands over his face, trying to rid some of his fatigue as he waited for his dreams to consume him the metal band he’d salvaged from his pocket grasped firmly in his fist. It felt oddly right not to be wearing it anymore. That thought lead to a particular kind of suffering that for now took him in the opposite direction from Aaron and letting go didn’t mean he didn’t care far from it but if these past few weeks had taught him anything was that the only person he had control over was himself. As he let that thought sink in he brought the band to his lips as if to say goodbye and with a heavy heart set it bedside it’s counterpart already displayed on his bedside table, no longer to adorn the fingers they belonged too but something to gaze upon and remember fondly whenever he caught a glimpse of them; his beacons of hope in the darkness. He flexed his hand taking a moment for the reality of what he’d done to sink in. It was a small step yet a big one, it was time for him to rebuild his life and maybe just maybe he’d wear it again one day, and Aaron his, when he’d earned back the trust he’d broken but for now he had to think about himself, it was time for him and the he rest of the world to meet the new and hopefully improved Robert Jacob Sugden.


End file.
